They say as kids we get to gather lots of information but most stay in our subconscious mind and only pop up when an action or occurrence triggers it and some stay buried forever. In my case this information I gathered while I was little pop up rather too late, I mean I had already carried out the atrocity, which even made it worst for me to deal with. 

Killing my father or should I say killing the man that married my mum, sorry I don’t even know what to say, I haven’t being myself since this event, the only thing I want to do is to also kill myself. I know I should have told my therapist about it probably she would have helped me deal with it better but how can I bring her  into a crime I committed plus I felt I don’t deserve to feel better, what I did was worth it considering the fact that my father was not innocent after all.

Like I said before I had stopped going to my father’s house but one morning I couldn’t bear the thought of him being happy while my mum, well you know all about my mum. I wanted him to pay for everything he did and most important I wanted to know why he left the moment my twin brother died and talking about my twin brother, I can’t stop seeing him since I killed my father and his family. You all need to know that these few weeks of my life has been the worst, I have literally lost my mind, I have even stopped seeing my therapist, haven’t seen her since I killed my father and his family. 

I got to my father's house that very night dressed like a delivery boy, who was there to deliver some chicken. Inside the chicken pack was a gun and rope, I stole the gun from Lawrence, Lawrence is a policeman who rents out guns to people for extra cash, before I got my eatery job, I was his apprentice, so I know a great deal about the business. I knocked on the door and as my father opened the door I pulled the gun on him and forced him back inside quietly. His wife and kids were in the sitting room watching TV and as they saw me, the kids ran to their father screaming and I said “I will shoot you if you make any noise, oya all of you on the floor”. 

Before leaving home I had to meet Monica, the weed dealer in my area, I told her I needed a weed that will give me the mind to do whatever it is I wanted to do without any sort of pity while doing it. Monica had just one rule, don’t ask don’t tell, she didn’t ask why I wanted it - she just gave me two roll of loud to smoke and instantly as I was smoking I felt the effect kicking in. 

I placed the chicken box on the table, brought out the rope and pointed the gun at my dad and told him to tie his wife and kids together. Then I took the remaining rope to tied him down, I told him to look into my eyes if he could remember me but he said 'no'. I used the gun to hit his head every time he said he couldn't remember me till one on his kids said he had seen me at the eatery before. I looked at the kid and I laughed, I took off my shirt and I tied his mouth then said “anybody that talks next will die”. 

I faced my dad again and ask if he knew any Yetunde Coker and this time around his answer was positive but what followed wasn’t what I was looking for. He called my mum a slot, who wanted him to raise children that weren’t his and he walked away from the marriage when he couldn’t take it anymore.

Apparently he had not told his family about his former life so as he started to explaining I also began to recollect some of the things I had overheard my dad and my mum argue about and the most important of them all which happened to be true was the fact that this man I call my father whom I blame for all the misfortune in my life is actually not my dad. I remembered clearly when my twin brother died the statement he (my supposed dad) made, he said “at least one of them won’t have to worry about the truth, I hope you finally have the courage to tell them who their real father is, that if you eventually remember, you this slot.”