How often have you talked with another guy who never looked you in the eye during the entire length of the conversation? Or perhaps he did meet your gaze a few times, but then his eyes shifted somewhere else.

I’d like to say that the ability to make good eye contact is one of the social skills a lot of young men seem to be struggling with these days, which would be true, but I’ve encountered enough gaze-averting men to know that it’s a multi-generational problem. And actually, it’s probably something men have always struggled with, females are on average better at making and holding eye contact than males.

"Although eye contact and verbal processing appear independent, people frequently avert their eyes from interlocutors during conversation,"

Eye contact can have a memory-boosting and stimulating effect as long as it's wanted by the person being looked at. If you're trying to use eye contact to your advantage, pay attention to the cues coming from the person you're staring at: If they're returning your gaze, lighting up, becoming more talkative, or straightening their posture or relaxing as you look into their eyes, you're doing great. But if they're shying away, acting nervous, looking annoyed, or they keep trying to turn their attention back toward the book you just distracted them from reading, it's probably a good idea to look away. 

Also eye contact creates this intimate bond, it creates moments where you are able to really feel what someone else is feeling. It links together your emotional states and creates empathy and an intimate bond. It can be very easy to be angry and hateful to people, but when you see someone face-to-face, and look into their eyes, you often can get a sense of their humanity and your anger greatly break down. 

More coming up in the next post,  stay tuned...