BROKEN
 It got to a point in your life where you stopped fighting with you and asked yourself why are you angry all this while. Well, it is not the same for everyone, but categorically for people who are egotistical, self-ambitious and selfish like me. Firstly, despite the fact that my Dad was a faithful servant of God he could not heal him and watched him died. He watched my mother suffered in the hands of my Dad's family who rendered us homeless. My mom would hawk vegetables just to feed her children. She would come back home tired, feeling body pain and her feet swollen from trekking and she would still fry akara till 10pm. Yet, my mother call on this God who allow us to go through this suffering. My brother was able to get a scholarship to study abroad. He didn't look back home. Still, she blessed God for this ungrateful son of hers. I watched my sister singing in choir, always full of happiness serving in the church. At a point, our pastor made reference to her saying "ladies in church should emulate my sister's service toward God and people". Despite all these, those so-called brothers ended up breaking her heart. At last, she got married. Five years after marriage, she was unable to have a child. Her husband sent her away yet, she remain faithful to Him.I vowed I won't end up in situation like theirs, so I brace myself up. I'm not an atheist, I believe in God, many things in this world prove his existence. I just don't believe in resting all my hopes in him because he will always allow you to suffer yet those who don't believe in him flourish. So right from my childhood, I wasn't going to let anything back me down. I won the best graduating student in my set. I had the best WAEC result across the state. I entered University with two scholarship awards and I graduated as the overall best student. Currently, I'm the branch manager of a bank. I had a flair for fashion, so I own a boutique that contains gorgeous designer dresses. I was able to bring out my mom out of penury. She lives in a good house and has her own car. I employed a driver and a maid for her. I had a wonderful boyfriend. I did all these without His help.
    After my usual visit to my mother on Saturday, she called me and said "Omolara, I hope you acknowledge His Presence in your life". This is not the first time she said it, she was not the first person to tell me this. But this time, I didn't argue. "Alright", I replied and left. I feel so empty. I don't even understand my life anymore. I wished I could call out to God for assistance. I needed peace but I just can't bring myself down to him. After all, I made it without Him and I thought I could go through this without him but I can't hold it any longer. I feel like committing suicide. Then my phone rang. It was my sister. She never left me alone. She was like an anchor. I don't understand how she remain happy without husband yet her mates are having kids. I was actually waiting for the day she would get married before I say "yes" to any man. At least, that's what I can do for her despite all what she has done for me. She noticed I was crying over the phone, "Lara mi, what happened? Why are you crying? What happened between you and Bode?" Before I could give her an answer, it was a total blackout. 
  I woke up next morning seeing two people beside me. I couldn't recognize them at first until my sister spoke. "She's awake". "Praise God, How are you doing?" the man asked. My sister assisted me to sit up and rest on the pillow. "I'm feeling better, what happened?" I asked them. "You ran into a pole while driving and Olaoluwa"  pointing to the man beside her "save your life and called me afterwards" she explained. "Thank you very much sir". I said. Luckily, Olaoluwa was my sister's friend while they were in university. I pleaded with My sister not to tell my mother what happened. Olaoluwa and my sister never left my side throughout my stay in the hospital. My boyfriend was around too. I got to know Olaoluwa better, he is very nice man. He said his mother didn't want him to get married  to a white woman that's why he is in Nigeria. As times goes on, the friendship between My sister and him grew stronger. Before I knew it, he proposed to her. Five months later my sister announced that she is pregnant. My mother's joy knew no bound even my eyes were filled with tears of joy. Before my sister left the country with her husband, she said the same thing my mother had said. "I hope you acknowledge His Presence in your life. He is ever waiting for you" and pulled me into her arms. 
     So one night, I brought out the bible she gave me and read a portion of it. It was as if the verse was talking to me. I said, God, I'm sorry. I know several times you have been calling me, yet I was too proud to obey your voice. Please forgive me. I need peace. I need peace of mind. I wept profusely but rising from the floor that night I never felt the same.
    Next morning, I woke up as a different person. It was like I started living. My sleep the night before was different. When I visited my mom, she testified about the glow in my eyes. She has never seen me happy like this in many years. At work, most of my colleagues commented at the change in my attitude. I was happy and was able to love Bode completely. We eventually got married. At last, we found my estranged brother and his family. 
   Some people are so angry with God that they won't give him full control of their lives. Some have watched their close ones died and this made them to doubt whether this God could be so loving. Some people watched others groan in pains and wallow in suffering and cause them to doubt the existence of God and If truly he lives up there, he lives far away. In one way or the other they become an enemy of God. Only if you could see the collateral beauty of every situations just like Job in the bible who went through worst yet, he did not sin but worshipped God. 
    Peradventure, you are reading presently, It is time to destroy those walls that you put against God. It is good to let him know how you feel, King Hezekiah reminded him of how he served him. David in psalms always tell him, God this is how I feel....this and that.... also so many others in the bible and God comforted them all. God loves a broken spirit, someone who is will humbly come to his presence. It is about time you let him in your life and let him prove himself God again. Then you will see how Mighty he is in unsearchable ways. Ever loving and caring God. Humble yourself before him for he cares for you.